


Wildest Dreams

by clarygay



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Actor AU, Alternate Universe - Actors, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-02-19 11:46:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarygay/pseuds/clarygay
Summary: When Yuuri landed his first big movie role as the romantic interest to his idol, Viktor Nikiforov, he fully intended on keeping things professional. Things didn't go exactly as planned.





	1. I Thought Heaven Can’t Help Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @myserylovescompany for betaing this for me! I've had this idea in my head for a while and I'm so glad to share it with you all. Comments are always appreciated and you can find me on tumblr @yuuri-eros-katsuki

Yuuri wasn’t sure what to do with himself. The room was sparse and white, with only a foldable table in front of him where two casting directors were seated.

He’d already run through the script with his roommate, Phichit, for the last week. He knew his lines, but this wasn’t like the first audition where he’d read with one of the casting director’s, this was…

The door swung open and there he was: Viktor Nikiforov, pulling off his designer sunglasses and tucking them into his shirt. He was followed by his bodyguard, a man twice Yuuri’s size.

“Yuuri, right?” Viktor smiled down at him, and oh God his eyes were soft and charming and looking right at him. Yuuri was vaguely aware of the whoosh of his script falling out of his hands and to the ground.

“Oh! I mean yes! Hi!”

This time last year Yuuri had barely been able to pay his ridiculously high LA rent, what with his bartender salary and the money from working on a daytime soap, and now here he was, standing in front of Viktor Nikiforov. Viktor Nikiforov, who was voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive for three consecutive years in a row, who won an MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss in his film, Dark Desires.

Now, Viktor Nikiforov, Yuuri’s own personal idol, his own reason for acting, was standing in front of him.

Viktor had bent down and passed the script back to him, looking amused.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, trying not to let his embarrassment show. This was completely unprofessional. He couldn’t act like some kind of crazed fan when he was supposed to be acting as Viktor’s co-star. “It’s nice to meet you.” _Completely uninteresting_. Yuuri took a deep breath and pulled his shirt down out of nervous habit.

He watched Viktor out of the corner of his eye, calmly flipping through the lines one last time, hair falling in his face. Yuuri remembered vividly years of watching Viktor on the TV at home, wondering what it would be like to run his fingers through it. Back then Viktor had been on a teen drama, _The Werewolf Journals_ as Sebastian Merlot, the mysterious and sexy vampire rival to Christophe Giacometti’s equally mysterious and sexy werewolf character, Nick Carver.

Yuuri had only been 16 at the time the show started, and although he would deny it if asked, his room was practically wallpapered in Viktor Nikiforov posters.

Yuuri had only acted in a few small roles on Japanese stations during his teen years. While he had a small, dedicated fanbase, he wasn’t anywhere near star status. When he turned 18 and found an agent out in LA, he ended up struggling through the odd commercial and cameo until he landed a role on a daytime soap called _As The Universe Spins_ as the first openly gay character the show had featured.

After that he’d been invited to audition for a cameo in none other than _The Werewolf Journals_ during its last season, and well, Yuuri didn’t like to think about that audition.

Outside the studio after that audition, Viktor had turned toward him, smiled and asked if he wanted a picture. And of course, Yuuri had awkwardly turned him down and run off. How could he face his idol when he couldn’t even land a role on the show that he _starred_ in?

“You’re a little jumpy, huh?” Viktor asked, amused. Yuuri didn’t even notice that he had looked up from the script, he’d been so entranced. “Don’t worry. I was always nervous at my auditions when I first started too.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to tell him that this wasn’t his first audition, or even his third or fourth, but he couldn’t make his lips move.

“Yeah. Just nerves.”

He was here for a reason. He got this call back for a reason.

“You can start any day,” the casting director, a stocky British man with his hair tied half up in a messy bun, called from the table in front of them.

Viktor chuckled and _winked_ at Yuuri. “Ready when you are.” _Ready when you are._

“Right. I’m ready.” Yuuri shut his eyes and opened them again. He wasn’t himself any more. He was the character; he was Connor, the forgotten high school sweetheart to Viktor’s Isaac.

The movie was called _Take Me Home Tonight_ and was set in the late 80’s. It centered around Isaac, a famous rock-star, who returns back to his hometown in Maine after years in the spotlight. He is reunited with his first-love Connor, a bartender who once dreamed of being a concert-pianist. Isaac disrupts Connor’s quiet life by bringing up memories of the past and the possibility of a future.

The white room was gone, replaced instead by the low light of a dive bar on a slow Thursday night. Yuuri could smell the smoke, hear the sound of 80’s rock playing in the distance.

“You come here often?” Viktor said flirtatiously, and it took everything inside of him to remember that this was _Isaac’s_ line, not Viktor’s.

“I work here,” Yuuri, no Connor, said dismissively.

Viktor, _Isaac_ , chuckled, and looked over at him through his eyelashes. “You haven’t changed, you know that?”

Yuuri lifted his head and looked into those all too familiar eyes, stepping forward. Connor hasn’t seen Isaac in years. He hasn’t heard from the man he loved in years.

“I hardly recognize you,” Yuuri said. Connor was lying, and the way Yuuri delivered the line was soft, sad.

Viktor’s face scrunched and his eyebrows pulled together. He licked his lip and bit down, contemplating. “Then let’s start over.” Viktor extended his hand for Yuuri to shake, and Yuuri stared at it, before shaking his head and taking it.

Viktor beamed. “Hi! I’m Isaac Baker. You?”

Yuuri’s lips quirked up, partially in character. Viktor’s natural charm came through all of his performances.

“Connor…” Viktor looked at him expectantly and Yuuri rolled his eyes, “Isaac you know my last name already, this is stupid.”

“I don’t know your last name! We just met!” Viktor’s eyes sparkled. “Connor What?”

“Jameson,” Yuuri said, smiling sadly. _After all this time he still loves him_. “Connor Jameson.”

“Nice to meet you, Connor.” Viktor squeezed his hand and Yuuri was either drawn out of the scene or further into it, he couldn’t tell. Viktor’s hand was soft and warm in his and his eyes were trained on him like he really was seeing his ex-lover after ten years.

Yuuri pulled his hand away in a daze, slowly so that their fingertips brushed.

“Nice to meet you, Isaac.”

They stared at each other, two characters unable to look away, unsure of what to say, of how to proceed...Yuuri opened his mouth to read his next line-

“That’s enough!” The male casting director called, and suddenly they were no longer in the warm light of a dive bar, but in the over air-conditioned, stark white room they had started in.

The two casting directors whispered to each other and Yuuri smiled sheepishly at Viktor, trying to gauge his reaction. Viktor was looking at him, but Yuuri couldn’t read his expression. His eyes were still soft, kind, but did that mean he did well? Was it a pitying expression?

“We want you to read another scene,” The female casting director said finally. “Skip to page 10.”

\---

“Yuuri! Wait up!” It was a scorching 95 degrees outside the studio, and Yuuri had to squint to through the glare to see him. Viktor had his sunglasses back on and looked effortlessly cool in a white button up shirt and jeans, as if the heat didn’t affect him at all.

“Viktor?”

“You left before I got to talk to you!” He exclaimed. “ _We’re going to be co-stars_ , so I should start getting to know you, right?”

We’re going to be co-stars. Yuuri knew for a fact that Viktor had read with other actors after he left the casting room. “We are?”

Viktor laughed as if he’d told a joke. “We are.”

“Did they...tell you that?” Had he really gotten the part? After they had read two more scenes Yuuri had been dismissed and Viktor was scheduled to read with two more actors.

Yuuri passed them in the hall -- a blonde man with sharp cheekbones and a short brunette with big blue eyes. He couldn’t help but compare himself. He was...average, in looks. Definitely not the kind of guy that J-14 would create posters of. Not like Viktor…

“Are you serious?” Viktor nudged his arm. “You were in the room, right?”

Yuuri stopped walking and looked up at him, quizzically.

“Um…”

“Reading with you was...you were phenomenal, Yuuri.”

 _Phenomenal_. It seemed genuine...but, Viktor had worked with dozens of award-winning actors, and he was complimenting _Yuuri_.

“Have you eaten yet?”

\---  
Of course Viktor chose the most ridiculously trendy and expensive restaurant he could think of. It was all “artisan” this and “locally sourced” that. Yuuri had never seen an egg cost so much money in his life. He was pretty sure he was going to have to pay this meal off for the next month. Viktor _insisted_ that lunch was on him, but Yuuri hated when anyone paid for him.

Viktor had been babbling about his dog, Makkachin (who Yuuri pretended not to know he had, but in fact had at least ten pictures of saved on his phone) for the last half hour. In turn, Yuuri showed Viktor pictures of...well, Viktor. If Viktor made the connection he didn’t comment on it, thankfully.

“You should know that I only invited you to lunch so that we could trade pictures of our dogs,” Viktor said, grinning. “I might have stalked your instagram before the audition.”

 _Viktor stalked his instagram._ It took everything inside of Yuuri not to clutch his chest.

“I only got it because my roommate insisted. I’m not really much of a social media person,” Yuuri explained.

“That’s a shame,” Viktor said. _It was a shame._ Yuuri still couldn’t believe that Viktor wanted to talk to him at all. “I’ll have to take a ton of pictures of us for my instagram when we start filming.”

Yuuri laughed. “I’m not very photogenic. Every time they took promotional pictures for _As The Universe Spins_ the photographer would yell at me for being so stiff.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not photogenic, just nervous,” Viktor pointed out.

“I just hate having my picture taken,” Yuuri admitted. “I guess I chose the wrong career.” He’d gotten more comfortable in his own skin the last few years, especially once he’d started seeing a therapist about his anxiety, but being in the public eye still wasn’t something that Yuuri would ever be completely used to.

“I can tell you with absolute certainty that you didn’t choose the wrong career,” Viktor said. “I watched your show. It was easy to see how much you put yourself into that role.”

“You watched my show?” _As The Universe Spins_ was corny at best, and even Yuuri didn’t like to watch it.

“Of course I watched your show! What kind of actor would I be if I didn’t research possible co-stars?”

Yuuri looked down at his menu, embarrassed. “It was somewhat of a blessing that my character ended up in a coma.”

“But there’s a petition to bring you back,” Viktor said. “I signed it. Evan and James are everyone’s favorite couple on the show. They can’t just leave Evan in a coma.”

Yuuri looked up in disbelief and then laughed. “But if they bring me back I won’t have time to work on the movie,” he pointed out.

“Oh! You’re right. That would be a shame,” Viktor said, eyes shining.

Yuuri smiled softly.It was such a ridiculous thing to say, but it showed that Viktor _wanted_ to work with him. “Yeah. It would be.”

\---

“Are you dating Viktor Nikiforov?”

Yuuri winced, holding the phone back from his ear. Phichit was at an audition in New York, so Yuuri had the apartment to himself. “What? No?”

Phichit meant well, he really did, but what he didn’t understand was that Yuuri wasn’t Viktor’s type...at all. There were rumours abound that he was dating Christophe Giacometti, but they’d never confirmed it. Still, the pictures of them rubbing sunscreen on each other’s backs on a beach in Turks and Caicos had blown up and was still making the rounds on internet forums that Yuuri _definitely_ did not follow.

Christophe was sexy, all lean muscles and bright green eyes. Yuuri was...average. At best. He still couldn’t believe he was acting alongside Viktor let alone the fact that Viktor considered him important enough that he wanted to post selfies of them on social media.

“Have you been on Twitter at all today? And that selfie he posted on his Instagram? It’s everywhere.”

Yuuri sighed. Viktor had _insisted_ upon taking a series of selfies and posting them on his social media without explanation. He knew that he’d officially gotten the role now; Celestino had received a call later in the day on his behalf, but the rest of the world didn’t know that. To them Yuuri was just a random, mediocre actor Viktor had decided to befriend.

“You know how fans are. It’s not like that. He took me out after the audition to be nice. And come on, Phichit. Have you seen me? And more importantly, have you seen him?”

“Yeah I’ve seen you! You’re hot!” Phichit exclaimed. “Have you read some of the stuff your fans write about you? Tons of guys would die to date you. I _told_ you I had a crush on you when we first met. Do I have bad taste in guys?”

Yuuri flushed. “Well...sometimes.”

“Okay! Point taken! My track record isn’t the _best_ , but I still have eyes, Yuuri. You’re hot.”

Back when they first met Yuuri and Phichit had briefly tried dating before they realized they were better off as friends. It was lots of fumbling and embarrassment that Yuuri was glad was short-lived.

“It doesn’t matter because either way, me and Viktor aren’t ever going to be a thing. It’s professional.”

Yuuri could hear Phichit laughing on the other end of the phone.

“Okay, well he was giving you heart eyes. Maybe it’s method acting?” Phichit teased.

Yuuri rolled his eyes, but he could feel his stomach lurch. He’d never been one to have his picture taken by paparazzi. He had only a handful of fans from that daytime soap he was in, but other than that, he was invisible. This movie might change that. And who was he to play a role beside an Oscar-nominated actor.

He stood up and began pacing.

“I can practically hear you over-thinking through the phone,” Phichit said. “Maybe stay away from social media for a little bit? When I come back this weekend we’re going to go out and celebrate as a distraction, okay?”

Yuuri sighed and slumped down on his couch. Phichit’s idea of ‘going out’ was clubbing and getting sloppy drunk to the point that Yuuri couldn’t remember what had even happened the night before. Still, it had been a while, and this was his first big role.

“A distraction would be good.”

\---

Viktor fell into Yuuri’s life like he’d always been there. Even before they began filming Viktor kept calling him and texting him pictures of Makkachin in exchange for pictures of Vikchan. Sometimes they would go out to get coffee or get food (that Viktor always insisted on paying for).

They ended up talking about the various productions they were in during middle school, or talking about the places the grew up. Yuuri showed Viktor pictures of his home town, Hasetsu, and Viktor showed Yuuri pictures of St. Petersburg. It was comfortable.

Today was the first readthrough. Viktor was sitting beside Yuuri with his usual venti Americano in front of him while Yuuri nursed a green tea. They were already running 30 minutes behind because they were waiting for--

“I asked for _four_ _pumps of vanilla_! What the hell am I even paying you for?”

Yuri Plisetsky.

The teen star slammed the door open, scowling. He sported an all cheetah print tracksuit with his long blond hair tied up in a bun on the top of his head.

Yuri was infamous for being a bit of a diva, but Yuuri had no idea the extent of it until this very moment. Yuri got his big break when he was only 12 on a Disney channel show called _Groove It Up_ and was now the hottest teen star in Hollywood. He had a clothing line, several brand deals, and had just completed the filming for a dystopian YA novel film called _Convergent_.

His assistant winced, taking the latte from Yuri’s outstretched hand. “My apologies, Mr. Plisetsky, we’ll get you a new one immediately.”

“And it’s coming out of your paycheck!”

“Yes, Mr. Plisetsky, of course.”

Yuri sat down next to Viktor and rolled his eyes. “It’s so hard to find good help these days.”

Viktor laughed. “Take it easy on your poor assistant, Yura, he’s doing his best.” Viktor and Yuri had worked together on a movie last year where Yuri played Viktor’s younger brother. According to Viktor, Yuri was like a son to him, and he’d spent the last few weeks showing Yuuri a million pictures of the two of them together on vacation.

“Well if that’s his best, I’d hate to see his worst!”

Yakov, the director, a large and imposing Russian man, slammed his fist down on the table. “Enough chatter! You’re half an hour late, Yuri, and that’s coming out of _your_ paycheck.”

“Blah blah blah, old man,” Yuri said, putting his feet up on the table. Yuuri could never imagine talking to a director like that, but Yuri had worked with Yakov multiple times already in his career.

Yakov’s face turned red, but he crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. “From the top, Yuuri, Katsuki, your line.”

“You’re going to have to change your name,” Yuri interrupted. “There’s only room for one Yuri on this set.”

“Uh…” Yuuri had no idea how to respond to that. “Or you could just call me by my last name?”

“Nonsense,” Viktor said, waving Yuri off. “We’ll call Yura...Yurio.”

“I’m not going by that,” Yuri said at the same time that Yuuri said, “Sounds good.”

Yuri glared. “Whatever. Just read your line, fatso, we don’t have all day.”

Yuuri looked down at himself. He’d always been prone to gaining weight easily, but he wouldn’t exactly call himself _fat_.

Viktor turned toward Yuri and scowled. “That wasn’t very nice, Yurio.”

“I’m not answering to that!”

“Read your line, Katsuki, or so help me God!”

\---

Once filming had started, Yuuri and Viktor were inseparable. It wasn’t uncommon for Yuuri to fall asleep at Viktor’s house after a night of practicing lines or for Viktor to come over to Yuuri’s tiny apartment for a meal.

There was one problem though ---Yuuri was falling hard and he didn’t know what to do with his feelings. It was one thing to have a crush on Viktor as a fan, and another to actually get to know Viktor as a co-star and as a friend and _still_ have feelings for him. Especially when the role of Connor pushed him into Viktor’s personal space every day. When he had to listen to Viktor say things in character like “I love you,” and “I need you,” it was hard to separate fiction from reality.

They’d only been filming for three weeks, and now that some of the tamer scenes were out of the way it was only a matter of time before they filmed _the kiss_ and Yuuri could hardly handle that let alone the impending _sex scene_.

Now Yuuri was frozen, staring up at Viktor, rigid in his arms. The scene faded around him; he was left conscious of the stage lights and the markers beneath their feet. “I...um…” He bit down on his bottom lip.

“Is everything alright?” Viktor whispered, smile mischievous, “Now’s where we kiss.”

_Now’s where we kiss._

“I’m sorry! I...just-” Yuuri had kissed a handful of people before. He’d even had stage kisses. But this was different. This kiss was important, for one. They were two gay actors playing gay characters, which never happened. But even more than that, it was Viktor.

“Cut!”

Viktor let Yuuri go, smiling kindly. “It’s okay. I used to get nervous before these kinds of scenes too.” He winked at him and Yuuri wanted to _die_.

He was never sure that Yakov particularly liked him. He caused production to slow down. His acting was stiff, he said. There was some kind of mental block. He wasn’t allowing himself to truly enter the scene.

It had been his dream for years to act beside Viktor and now he was standing inches away from him looking like the worst actor in the entire world.

“You two are supposed to be in love but you look like you’re terrified to be in the same room as him!” Yakov had his arms folded across his chest as he spoke.

“And you!” Yakov shifted his gaze toward Viktor. “Could you over-act any more? It’s bordering on _melodramatic_. This isn’t a daytime soap opera!”

Yuuri would have expected Viktor to look at least a little embarrassed at the criticism, but he laughed as if Yakov had told a joke and then turned back toward Yuuri.

“Maybe we need a little bit more practice?” he teased, winking. Yuuri’s chest seized. Everything in his body shut down, eyes wide, heart racing.

He had to get out of here.

“I--I need to take a minute!” He exclaimed, pulling back from Viktor. “I’m--I’m sorry! I’ll be in my trailer!”

He ran off the set before Yakov or Viktor could respond.

\---

Yuuri heard his trailer door rattle a few seconds after he shut the door. It had to be Yakov, or possibly Minako, his makeup artist, _attempting_ to cheer him up.

He had imagined kissing Viktor a thousand times, imagined that he’d magically become some kind of Sex God and it wouldn’t be Connor and Isaac, but just _them_. But when it came time to even attempt to kiss Viktor that all flew out the window. It wasn't like he and Viktor could ever be together, but Yuuri still liked to daydream. Now that was ruined too.

“Yuuri!” Viktor was calling his name. Viktor was knocking on his trailer door.

Yuuri’s eyes widened. He could pretend he wasn’t there. He could say he fell asleep immediately as soon as he got inside? Or that he was taking a shower? He looked around frantically. _Shit_. Of course he knew he was in here. He probably ran after him after the scene ended.

“Yuuri!”

Yuuri took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. “Coming! Coming. I’m- Just- Hold on!”

Yuuri flung open the trailer door, trying to look composed despite the embarrassment he felt deep in his stomach. He was going to puke. Probably all over Viktor, with his luck. “Hey,” he wheezed.

“Oh Yuuri.” Viktor’s eyes were wide; possibly worried? Definitely not pitying, which Yuuri was grateful for. That was what he had expected. Pity. “Can I come in?”

Yuuri nodded, moving aside to allow Viktor to enter the trailer.

“I’m sorry!” He blurted out once the door was shut again. “I keep messing up! I’m probably ruining the movie. They should probably just recast me. I-”

“Are you kidding me? That’s ridiculous,” Viktor said, waving him off. “Why would they recast you when you’re perfect for the role? It’s my fault, really. I should have known you’d want to practice the scene in private first.”

“What? Practice?” _The kiss?_ Yuuri’d had a handful of stage kisses in his life. He was never really cast as the lead, always as a supporting character, but he’d never practiced his kisses ahead of time even if he’d practiced other scenes in private.

Viktor’s eyebrows knit, confused.

“Some of my co-stars prefer to do the kissing scenes in private first. We should have at least talked about it.” He sat down on the couch in the center of the trailer and motioned for Yuuri to sit next to him.

Yuuri sat down, but kept his distance, hands on his knees.

“Can I tell you a secret, Yuuri?”

“Of course.”

“I...always get a little bit nervous with stage kisses. I know it’s silly. I’ve done it a thousand times. And it’s with you this time and you’re…well, you know. You’re you.”

Yuuri definitely hadn’t been expecting that. Viktor Nikiforov was nervous to kiss him? His body started shaking with laughter, half in disbelief and half from the actual humor of the situation.

Viktor frowned. “It’s not very nice to laugh.”

“No! I didn’t mean it like that” Yuuri exclaimed. “It’s just... You know! There’s a reason you’re always the leading man and I’m always cast as the ambiguously gay best friend.”

“Because you’re ambiguously gay?”

Yuuri laughed. “Shut up. You know what I mean. Women across the country don’t have pictures of me on their wall.”

“I don’t care if women across the country have pictures of me!” Viktor cried. Yuuri’s eyes widened. He was really worked up. Yuuri hadn’t expected Viktor to get nervous about anything.

“Don’t you get it? I’ve kissed probably hundreds of women on screen, but I’m not...it doesn’t _mean_ anything. And I guess this should be the same. It’s still acting. But this is the first time I’ve ever actually kissed a man on screen and I wanted it to be...perfect. For people like me who are watching. I always wished I had a movie like this when I was first starting out. I was always told that I’d have to take straight roles if I wanted to make it.” Viktor gave a self deprecating laugh and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m unloading a lot onto you.”

“No! Don’t be sorry!” Viktor had never really come out, but he wasn’t hiding either. Tabloids had released pictures of him holding hands or kissing men before. And Yuuri felt the same way. Even if there were other movies with two male leads, they were always straight actors. This could mean something. “I feel the same way, you know. Nervous. I just didn’t think you felt that way.”

Viktor looked up shyly. He’d never seen Viktor so vulnerable. He shifted so that his body was facing him on the couch. Maybe this is what they needed, what they were missing.

“I’m glad that you’re my co-star, Yuuri.”

“Me too.”

Viktor was silent for a moment, but it was comfortable. Yuuri found himself smiling. Viktor was nothing he’d expected, but every time he was alone with him he learned something new, something that made Viktor even more beautiful. Yuuri considered Viktor his friend now; the real Viktor was better than any fantasy Viktor he could have made up in his mind all these years. Viktor loved his dog, and cared too much about what he was wearing, and knew random trivia about old film stars of the 1940’s.

Viktor was confusing and magical and Yuuri wanted to know everything about him; but not only that. He wanted to share himself with Viktor.

“I really do think we should practice that scene,” Viktor said. Yuuri was shocked to see that his cheeks were tinged pink. “Uh. I mean.” He tugged at his shirt, clearly uncomfortable. Yuuri bit his lip. “Yakov thinks we should too, for the record.”

“Well if Yakov thinks we should,” Yuuri teased.

“Right! So! We should start at the beginning of the scene and just...go all the way through.” Viktor stood up and Yuuri followed him.

“Ready when you are,” he said. Viktor grinned, then shut his eyes, and opened them again. In character. Viktor was in character now. They were Connor and Isaac.

_Now or never._

“You left me,” Yuuri said as Connor. “You left me and you never even said goodbye.”

Viktor’s face twisted in sadness, as if to say _I never wanted to leave you_. “You know I had to go. I didn’t have a choice, Con.”

“You had a choice and you ran. That was your choice, Isaac,” Yuuri spat. “You ran off and you got famous and you forgot about me. And now you’re here again making me question everything! You don’t get to do that.”

Viktor stepped closer and Yuuri didn’t need to be in Connor’s headspace for that to make his heart race.

“I thought about you everyday,” Viktor whispered. “I never forgot about you. I thought you couldn’t want me back. Not after all that time. I thought you had moved on.”

“I did,” Yuuri whispered back, looking up at Viktor. “But I never forgot. It never felt like...like it did with you.”

Viktor put a hand on his cheek and Yuuri leaned into the touch, eyes shutting for a fleeting moment. It had been years since Isaac had touched Connor like this, but it was the first time Viktor had touched him in this way, and both were _exhilarating_. Yuuri was nervous, of course, but knowing that Viktor was too somehow made it easier to shove down all of that and just feel what Connor was feeling.

“You’ll be the death of me Isaac Baker,” he said softly, eyes opening. Viktor was right there now, but instead of freezing up like before, Yuuri reached forward and kissed him firmly.

God. Yuuri couldn’t even pretend that this was Isaac anymore, as much as he was trying. He was a professional. Yuuri was a _professional_ actor who knew that stage kisses were not real kisses, but the moment Viktor reciprocated the kiss it was like flowers blooming in his chest; the roots wrapping themselves tightly around his heart.

The kiss had already been choreographed. They were supposed to end up with Yuuri’s legs wrapped around his waist, and Viktor was supposed to lift him up onto the bar but, to Yuuri at least, it felt like they were just acting on instinct.

Yuuri’s hands reached out to clutch at the front of Viktor’s shirt, and Viktor’s hand slid from his cheek into his hair. Oh. Yuuri moved his hands to wrap around Viktor’s shoulders and Viktor’s other hand ran down Yuuri’s thigh.

They pulled back to look at each other; Viktors’ pupils were blown wide. Were they still in the scene?

Viktor was waiting on him, carefully scanning Yuuri’s eyes to gauge whether or not he wanted to continue the scene. In a moment of bravery Yuuri wrapped his leg around Viktor’s thigh and raised his eyebrow. If they were going to practice, they should do it right, right? And Yuuri, admittedly, wasn’t ready to stop kissing Viktor. He could always blame it on being in-character later.

Suddenly Viktor was on him again, hoisting Yuuri up into his arms, hands under his ass and Yuuri felt his back hit the wall of the trailer. He might have made a noise, but he was too busy focusing on the way that Viktor was kissing him, parting his lips skillfully with his tongue. Stage kisses weren’t normally like _this_ , but Yuuri wasn’t complaining.

This didn’t feel like Connor and Isaac any more. This was just Viktor and Yuuri.

“ _Yuuri_.”

All of a sudden, he was falling down; back to a world where Viktor was the Sexiest Man Alive and Yuuri was a dime-a-dozen actor with a couple of straight-to-dvd movies and TV cameos under his belt.

Yuuri pushed urgently at Viktor’s chest to create some space, his eyes wide, and Viktor set him down. Yuuri couldn’t look at his face. Would he be embarrassed? Maybe he’d realize what he’d said and be happy that Yuuri had stopped him?

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…”

“Forget about it,” Yuuri said stiffly. “Just forget it happened. I think...we’ve got the scene down so...we can call it a day.”

“Yuuri...I never wanted to make you uncomfortable, I-”

“You didn’t. I just- I wasn’t professional. I shouldn’t have taken it that far.”

“ _You_ shouldn’t have taken it that far? Yuuri, it wasn’t just _you_.”

“Viktor. It’s fine. Just- I need to think.” Yuuri met his eyes for a brief second, then looked down at his feet. “Alone.”

“If that’s what you want,” Viktor said softly. “I’ll be going.”

Yuuri wanted to say something, even opened his mouth a few times. The words wouldn’t come out. They couldn’t do _this_. Viktor had quickly become one of Yuuri’s closest friends, and he didn’t want to ruin that over some kind of emotional transference or infatuation or whatever _this_ was.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri said helplessly. For what? Yuuri was mostly sorry for himself. Of course he wanted to keep kissing Viktor, but this was his first big movie, and Viktor probably let his name slip by accident anyway.

Viktor shook his head, but his head was dipped so that Yuuri couldn’t make out his expression through his hair.

“You have no reason to be,” Viktor said finally, looking up at Yuuri. His eyes were glassy. Why was he so upset? He wasn’t the one who made a fool out of himself. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay,” Yuuri said softly. What else  _could_ he say?

“Goodbye, Yuuri.”

Yuuri didn’t move until he heard the trailer door swing shut, then he sunk down on the couch and put his head in his hands. How was it possible that he’d just managed to ruin everything in a few short minutes?


	2. Nothing Lasts Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... school hit me like a freight train but I want to get back to publishing on a regular schedule. I hope you'll leave comments and let me know what you think! As always, if you want to reach out to me I'm on tumblr @ yuuri-eros-katsuki!

“Yuuri...Yuuri. Are you, like, okay?” Phichit stood outside of Yuuri’s room, banging on the door while Yuuri burrowed himself further under the covers. “I know you’re in there! I saw you come in and shut the door! I’m not stupid, you know!”

Yuuri groaned. He felt so stupid. He just _kissed_ Viktor Nikiforov completely unprofessionally like he was some kind of crazed fan and not a serious actor like he was supposed to be.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He still had his contacts in and if he wanted to sleep away his sorrows he’d have to take them out anyway…

Yuuri padded to the door and opened it just a crack.

“Phichit, I’m fine. I just had a rough day at work.”

“So tell me about it,” Phichit said, crossing his arms as if daring Yuuri to decline him. “Was it Yuri again? I keep telling you, he’s like 12. Who cares if he thinks you suck? He hasn’t gone through puberty yet!”

“It’s not Yuri.” Yuuri rolled his eyes. Although he would have to do a scene with Yuri on Monday, and he wasn’t exactly prepared to hear how fat and untalented he was for hours. “I just feel like I’m fucking up a lot and I’m worried they’ll think they made the wrong choice,” he admitted softly. _And I kissed Viktor._

“... _And_ something happened,” Phichit guessed. “Look...do you want to grab a drink? You look like you need it, and I need it after losing out on that role…”

“You were robbed,” Yuuri agreed, even though he hadn’t had the chance to really hear about the audition. “God, Phichi, you must think I’m an asshole. I didn’t even ask you how it went.”

Phichit waved him off. “I don’t think you’re an asshole and I don’t really want to talk about it until I’ve had a few vodka crans in me.”

Yuuri laughed. He could use a drink after this week, and maybe it would take his mind off how good it felt when Viktor backed him against the trailer wall and the euphoric way his voice, low against Yuuri’s lips, whispered his name. “Okay, you know what? Fine. Let’s go. I just have to get changed.”

“Um yeah you do. I’m not taking you to the club in sweatpants and as cute and charming as Netflix and Chill Yuuri is, he’s better in those tight black pants I got him for his birthday.”

“Why are you speaking in the third person?”

“Don’t question my artistic choices,” Phichit said dramatically. “Get dressed.”

* * *

“I can’t believe you _kissed Viktor Nikiforov._ ”

“You knew I was going to kiss him. The movie’s a romance.” They were sitting on bar stools in one of Phichit’s favorite gay clubs, an artsy place in West Hollywood. Yuuri usually preferred divier places but Phichit insisted that tonight they had to go all out, after all, they hadn’t properly celebrated Yuuri’s movie role yet.

“Yeah, but you _actually_ kissed him. I mean, he had to know what he was asking for when he asked to _practice_ . Who does that? Yuuri, remember in college when I played Puck in Midsummer and James, the guy who was playing Oberon, asked me to practice our lines in _private_. We ended up fucking. And there’s not even a kiss in that play. People don’t just ask to practice in private without wanting to bang.”

“Well that’s never happened to me! We’ve practiced in private!”

Phichit rolled his eyes. “That’s different. Not that I didn’t think you were very cute when we first met. Plus I never asked you to practice kissing me.”

Now that he was thinking about it, it was kind of obvious. But why would Viktor want to kiss _him_?

“Plus,” Phichit continued, “Even before filming started you two were going on dates.”

“They weren’t dates!”

“They were basically dates,” Phichit said. He ordered another vodka cran and then turned back to Yuuri. “But like, it _is_ kind of annoying that he hasn’t actually asked you out yet, I mean I know he’s an A-lister but--”

“It’s not like that. We were just friends. Ugh. Nope. I’m not talking about this any more.” Yuuri ordered another gin and tonic for himself and stood up. “Let’s dance.”

“Wow, look at you. I love tipsy Yuuri. Remember in college when you challenged that guy to a dance off and then ended up making out with him?”

Yuuri groaned. “God that was embarrassing. This is why I’m going to die alone.”

“You’re dramatic.” Phichit  led him out on the dance floor. “And not in those pants you aren’t,” he said, swatting Yuuri’s ass playfully.

* * *

 

“Shit!”

“I know right? It’s bullshit! I should have gotten that role I--”

“No! Shut up, Phichit!” He hadn’t even had that many gin and tonics, but Phichit was _gone._  “Stop talking,” he hissed, yanking Phichit close so that he was blocking his line of vision. “ _He’s here._ ”

“Who’s here!?” Phichit exclaimed loudly. He pulled back and looked behind them before being yanked down again by Yuuri.

“ _He_. You know who.”

“Viktor!” Phichit cried. God Phichit was drunk. Yuuri winced. “He’s here!”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

“He’s walking over here,” Phichit said, or rather half-screamed. Yuuri wanted to grab the nearest man and start passionately making out with him so that maybe Viktor wouldn’t notice who he was, but he wasn’t drunk enough for _that_ . Tipsy, maybe, but not drunk. Instead he turned so that he was facing Phichit completely. “Oh he definitely saw you. Act  natural. Oh God Yuuri he’s so fucking _hot._ ”

Yuuri was going to _murder_ Phichit when they got back.

“Yuuri?” _Shit._ Yuuri turned around to finally face Viktor, trying to look nonchalant with his drink poised in his hand, but he ended up falling over himself and throwing his full gin and tonic all over Viktor’s shirt-- _Viktor’s shirt that probably cost more than Yuuri’s rent for three months._

“Fuck! I’m sorry! Shit! Let me! Uh!” Yuuri’s first tipsy thought was to rub the stain away with his hands over Viktor’s unfairly broad chest, but thankfully sober Yuuri must have been at least conscious inside of him. “I’ll get napkins!”

For whatever reason, Viktor was laughing instead of yelling. He steadied Yuuri with his hand on Yuuri’s upper arm and shook his head with a smile. “It’ll dry.”

“It’ll dry,” Yuuri repeated and then, because clearly, Tipsy Yuuri had no filter, added, “Why are you here?”

“I’m here with my friend, Chris.” Ah yes, Christophe Giacometti. Yuuri always thought the rumors they were dating were ridiculous but maybe not… “It’s been a while since we’ve been out to a place like this. I don’t really like going out too much,” he admitted, and Yuuri was vaguely aware of the way they leaned in to each other, with Viktor whispering low like they weren’t on a dance floor.

“Wow it must be so hard to have every guy in the room immediately into you” Yuuri blurted out. “I’m sorry! That was rude! I mean...you probably don’t like being recognized!” He made a mental note to never speak to Viktor when he was drunk ever again.

Viktor’s hand squeezed his arm from where he was still holding it, looking amused instead of angry.

“Yes, well, I’m not really interested in _every_ guy in the room,” he said. So that meant that Viktor was interested in someone...maybe Chris? Or…

“Are you flirting with me?” Yuuri asked incredulously. “Because if you are…” His drunk brain couldn’t provide a reason why Viktor should or shouldn’t flirt with him. Viktor’s hand felt so nice on his arm, like it had felt when he’d gathered him in his arms earlier in the day.

“If I am?” VIktor teased, dragging his hand down so that his fingertips ran against Yuuri’s.

Yuuri felt his chest expand, like he suddenly couldn’t get enough air. But instead of pulling away, he threaded their fingertips together and stepped closer--for space, Yuuri told himself. He was stepping closer to make space. There were other clubgoers dancing around them and it would be rude for them to stand so far apart.

He wondered vaguely if Phichit was still behind them, but if not, Yuuri would meet up with him later. Besides, Viktor might have just wanted to stop by and say hi and maybe he was this flirtatious with everyone. Maybe he was appeasing Yuuri by taking his hand.

Yuuri looked up at Viktor, realizing he hadn’t answered his question. Maybe it was rhetorical anyway.

“Are you?” he asked anyway, feeling stupid. They were now somehow chest to chest, and Yuuri was overwhelmed with the urge to reach out and touch Viktor’s hips. The hand-holding made him feel naked, like the touch was too intimate for the club.

Yuuri felt Viktor squeeze his hand, watched him lick his bottom lip and cock his head to the side as if he were deep in thought.

“Do you want to dance?”  He asked, looking down at Yuuri through his eyelashes. It wasn’t really an answer, but Viktor seemed...nervous. Yuuri could feel his hand shaking in his own. _He was making Viktor Nikiforov nervous_.

“We’re already on the dance floor,” Yuuri said dumbly.

Viktor laughed, not the kind of laugh he did in the interviews Yuuri used to spend hours watching on Youtube, but an honest one, like he couldn’t control how it was ripped out of him.

“Silly me, of course,” he teased, squeezing Yuuri’s hand one last time before he moved his hands to rest around Yuuri’s shoulders. _God_. They were pressed so close that if Yuuri wanted to, he could lean up and kiss him, but he wouldn’t. He’d couldn’t.

Yuuri put his hands on Viktor’s hips. He doubted he’d be so calm if it weren’t for the drinks he’d had throughout the night. He’d danced with men at the club before, made out with them even, but these last few months he’d actually gotten to _know_ Viktor. All those times they’d watched movies together at Viktor’s house or gone to brunch gushing over pictures of Makkachin on Viktor’s phone...all that meant something, at least to Yuuri.

Yuuri started moving his hips, cheeks burning. Viktor was still looking down at him as they started moving together, like he couldn’t look away. Yuuri wanted to reach up and cup his cheek, to run his fingertips over the lines of his face, down over his lips.

It was dangerous, having Viktor like this.

Viktor ran his hand up into Yuuri’s hair as the latin dance beat swirled around them, as his hips fell into Yuuri’s like waves, like they were crashing into each other. All Yuuri could do was lean in closer, so that their foreheads were almost pressed together. Viktor’s breath was against his lips, and all Yuuri had to do was lean in.

But instead he reached up and brushed Viktor’s hair out of his eyes. It was unfair how beautiful Viktor was, really, as the pinks and blues of the club’s spotlights danced over his cheekbones. The way he was smiling so softly down at Yuuri, and how when Yuuri moved a certain way he beamed. Yuuri had made it a goal of his to make Viktor smile like that whenever they hung out, like his entire face lit up.

The way Viktor looked now...it wasn’t like in the magazines. This was the real Viktor, a Viktor that Yuuri selfishly wanted for himself.

Maybe he should be concerned about paparazzi or fans taking their own pictures, but Viktor was the one who asked him to dance. Viktor wanted people to see them together.

Viktor slid his hand down Yuuri’s body, and Yuuri bit his lip to keep from moaning. He wondered if Viktor could feel the way the simple touch made his body light up.

His hand was on Yuuri’s hand again, stepping away to spin Yuuri around under his arm. Yuuri threw his head back and laughed, euphoric as he spun back into Viktor, hand on his chest.

“You know, Phichit and I used to do bachata classes back in college,” he said. It was strange how they could go from grinding to playful in a matter of seconds, but Yuuri loved that about Viktor, the way he could never tell what he was going to do next. “But we’d always end up arguing over who would lead.”

Viktor laughed. “It was the same when when me and Chris would go swing dancing. I think I prefer to follow, actually.”

“Oh.” Yuuri always imagined that Viktor would prefer to lead in almost everything. He took Viktor’s hand and placed another on his waist, leading him into one of the basic steps. “So this is okay?”

“This is more than okay.” 

Yuuri lead Viktor into a turn so that he spun into Yuuri’s arms, back to chest, then Yuuri spun him back out and pressed himself close. Viktor was a great dancer, and he followed Yuuri like they had been dancing together for years, like where Viktor’s body ended Yuuri’s body started.

But the song was changing now to an upbeat rap song, so Yuuri allowed them to stay close, hands clasped, with one hand still on Viktor’s hips.

Viktor leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Yuuri’s forehead, and Yuuri let out a shuddering breath as Viktor leaned in to whisper, “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

He pulled back, and Yuuri saw a flash of uncertainty cross his eyes. Maybe he was imagining it…

“Okay.” Yuuri knew, despite being tipsy, that they should probably talk, but he didn’t want to face the possibility of rejection when it felt like maybe, just _maybe_ , Viktor felt something for him.

He took Yuuri’s hand and led him through the crowd. Yuuri was aware that there were a few camera flashes, but if Viktor noticed, he must be so used to it that it didn’t phase him.

Viktor spoke briefly to the bouncer at the front of the club, and he lled him down a hallway and into a private room. The bodyguard outside nodded in understanding and Yuuri briefly wondered if they had this room prepared for any A-list celebrities that might show up there.

What must it be like to be able to get whatever you wanted?

The door shut and Viktor released his hand. They were in a small lounge with a large couch and several chairs in the center of the room with dark curtains decorating the walls.

  
“Yuuri, what happened was my fault. Not yours,” Viktor blurted out, like he’d been waiting for the right moment all night. “And I--I think you know that. You have to know that. I’m the one who--” Even under the dark lighting of the club, Yuuri could tell Viktor was blushing. It made him want to lean in in and kiss him.

“I know. You said that.” And Yuuri wasn’t stupid. He knew that Viktor said his name, but he still felt like somehow it was his fault. Like Viktor couldn’t possibly have wanted him without Yuuri pushing too hard or “...But...I shouldn’t have…”

“You shouldn’t have kissed me? I asked you to. We were supposed to be practicing and I made it awkward.”

_I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to hold me like that. I wanted you to say my name. I wanted it so much._

 

“It wasn’t awkward. I was just…” Afraid. “You mean you really wanted to kiss me?”

“Yuuri. I literally said your name when we were supposed to be acting. It wasn’t acting at that point. And if you don’t want me...like that. I...I’ll understand. It was out of line and unprofessional. But I just...I thought maybe you might feel something too?”

He’d felt something ever since their first audition, since he sat across from Viktor at lunch and listened to him talk about mundane things like his favorite musicians and the way he failed his driver’s test 3 times as a teenager.

“Of course I do,” Yuuri said softly, moving to sit down on the couch in the center of the room. He patted the spot next to him for Viktor to follow.

Viktor sat down next to him, leaving only about an inch of space between them. Yuuri wondered what he was supposed to do now. He’d never actually dated anyone; he’d never had the time, or maybe it’d just never been the right person…

Even during his _As the Universe Spins_ days he’d had a handful of guys that asked him out. He’d always made excuses. Maybe he was just tired of running away or maybe Viktor made it impossible to run.

“I’m not good at this stuff,” Viktor admitted, and Yuuri whipped his head up from where he was looking down at his lap.

 _“You’re not good at this stuff?”_ Viktor had a carefully crafted heartthrob image in the press. Yuuri always thought it was exaggerated, but he never thought that Viktor would be so...nervous...when it came to relationships.

“I’ve never...really done this,” Viktor continued, ignoring Yuuri’s shock. “I mean there have been flings with people and of course, the publicity stunts with Chris--” _Publicity stunts?_ That made sense, but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had no right to Viktor, no right to feel jealous, but he did and he couldn’t help that. “--But I’ve never felt like this, Yuuri.”

“Like this?”

“You have to know that I care deeply about you,” Viktor said, staring down at his lap. “God, it was so hard when you came over to run lines or just hang out. Sometimes I wanted to ask you out, but keeping pretending I was just hanging out with you as a friend was easier. I didn’t want to push you.”

“You weren’t! You aren’t! I...I just thought you were being nice. Because I was your co-star. I didn’t think--”

“Of course I wasn’t just being nice! You’re...God Yuuri, it’s like you actually _see_ me. Does that make sense? The way you’re just...yourself around me. It makes it so easy for me to talk to you.”

Yuuri felt the same. Like he could let his guard down with Viktor, even if the physical part of their relationships still made Yuuri ridiculously nervous.

"I know. I feel the same way. I just keep messing up. It’s like whenever I’m in a scene with you on set I can’t focus because I want it to be perfect.” Viktor deserved a co-star who was as talented as he was. He deserved a...partner? boyfriend? Yuuri wasn’t sure what to call this, but Viktor deserved anyone who was close to him to be perfect.

“You don’t have to worry about any of that, Yuuri. You act with such an honesty. No one could look away from you.”

Yuuri snorted. “Oh yeah. I’m sure my soap opera performances are awe-inspiring.”

“I hate when you put yourself down,” Viktor said, reaching out to take his hand. “It’s like you have no idea what you’re actually like.”

“And neither do you,” Yuuri said, turning his body to face him. “You’re different than I ever imagined, Viktor.”

That seemed to surprise Viktor. Yuuri watched the way his chest rose. Like maybe he was feeling the same constricting feeling that Yuuri felt when they were together.

“Viktor--” he said softly, reaching up to run his hand over Viktor’s cheek. “Can I…?”

“Please,” Viktor sighed, shutting his eyes as if he were already anticipating Yuuri’s kiss.

Yuuri was reminded of home. How he’d often spend his mornings running along the shore, the waves crashing against the shore and the way the expanse of the shore felt endless as the sand slowed down his body.

Kissing Viktor was that grounding feeling, but it was also the warmth of the sand against his thighs, and the sun rising in the distance. His kiss was like the light that flitted across the water, like the waves crashing into the rocks.

He didn’t feel drunk, maybe a bit tipsy from the drinks he’d had earlier. But dancing talking with Viktor, holding Viktor, all of that was intensely real.

Yuuri could taste liquor on Victor’s tongue, the hints of something fruity, and the smell of his cologne, and the lilac of his shampoo. Yuuri once borrowed Viktor’s jacket while running lines at his house, and he couldn’t help but take deep breaths whenever Viktor wasn’t looking, taking in the smell of him.

There wasn’t an anxiety this time. Viktor _wanted_ him here. He wanted explicitly asked, even said please, for Yuuri to kiss him.

Viktor licked at Yuuri’s bottom lip and Yuuri shuddered, clutching Viktor’s back desperately. He felt Viktor moan against his mouth and Yuuri pulled back, wondering if they should keep this up or if he was overstepping a line.

It was embarrassing, but despite making out with his fair share of men over the years, it had never gone beyond that. He was always too nervous, and he told himself he’d feel more comfortable if he was actually with someone he trusted. Of course there were times it almost went further, but every time it had progressed to dry humping or shirtless fondling he’d cut things off. Phichit said it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, that some people just didn’t like casual sex, but Yuuri felt like it was. He didn’t want Viktor to think less of him if he found out that he’d never gone beyond making out.

“As much as I liked kissing you before I like it better when it’s you and not Connor.”

“It was never really Connor in the trailer,” Yuuri whispered as Viktor pulled him back into another kiss, this time slinging his leg over Yuuri’s lap on the couch. They were alone in here, no one could see whatever they did.

Yuuri ran his hands down Viktor’s back, to his hips, holding him firmly in place as Viktor rocked down against him. Yuuri was half hard, which he might be embarrassed about if not for the fact that he could feel that Viktor was in the same position.

Viktor had his hands in Yuuri’s hair, down his neck, over his chest. Yuuri wanted to work the buttons of Viktor’s shirt, run his hands over his body. They’d filmed a scene for the movie where Connor and Isaac went swimming in a lake outside Connor’s family home, and Yuuri hadn’t been able to get the thought of a shirtless and dripping Viktor out of his head in the last few weeks.

Yuuri pulled back to look at Viktor. He looked _wrecked_ , his button-up  wrinkled from where Yuuri had clutched at the fabric, the stain still there from Yuuri’s drink, and his lips kiss-bitten. Yuuri leaned in to kiss his cheek, then worked his way down to his jaw.

Yuuri arched up into him, met his hips in a movement that made them both moan.

“ _Yuuri_ ,” Viktor gasped. It made him feel insanely powerful to have Viktor Nikiforov quaking in his lap, completely different from the scenes they filmed as Connor and Isaac and different from how Yuuri had ever imagined this going.

He hoped he was doing this right. It had been forever since he even kissed a man--almost a year now, and this was different.

“We should probably stop,” he said into Viktor’s ear. He didn’t want to stop, but he was way over his head and he didn’t want to ruin whatever feelings Viktor had for him by showing his complete lack of experience on a couch in a club while his best friend was probably worried sick outside.

Viktor nodded, letting out a shaking laugh as he pulled back. “You’re right. If we keep this up I’m going to end up ruining these pants.”

Yuuri buried his face in Viktor’s shoulder and hoped that he couldn’t tell how red he was. Viktor Nikiforov was worried about coming in his pants like a teenager all because of Yuuri.

“And I should get back to Phichit before he embarrasses himself.”

“Chris is probably already embarrassing himself,” Viktor said, getting off Yuuri’s lap and adjusting himself in his pants. Yuuri swore he was blushing but he couldn’t be sure under the low lighting.

Yuuri stood up and did the same. Phichit was right that these pants looked good on him, but they didn’t exactly do much to hide what he’d just been doing.

Viktor took his hand and led him to the door. Yuuri wondered if they’d get to do this again, wondered if he’d have the courage when they were on set again Monday. “Come on, let’s go find them.”

* * *

When they found Phichit and Chris, they were actually together. Phichit was leaning against a wall with Chris’s hand pressed above his head, talking low. Yuuri would make sure to ask Phichit what the hell had happened with _that_ later. Phichit was a huge fan of _Dark Desires_ too, and he’d always been more partial to Chris than Viktor. _“I want to climb him like a tree,”_ Yuuri remembered him saying one Friday night when they were watching the season finale together.

Viktor held his hand even as they were introduced to each other’s friends. It made Yuuri hopeful. Maybe Viktor was actually interested in him.

At the end of the night Viktor insisted on taking Yuuri home and he took his hand all the way to his car despite all the flashing lights going off around them, and when they reached Yuuri’s apartment, he’d even walked him to the door while Phichit stared wide eyed the entire time.

They’d have to talk about this later. Phichit excused himself once they got to the door to give Viktor and Yuuri some privacy and once he was safely inside, Viktor pulled him into a tight hug.

“Please come over tomorrow,” he whispered into Yuuri’s ear.

“Okay,” Yuuri whispered back, then pulled back and teased, “To practice more lines?”

Viktor threw his head back and laughed. “Something like that.”

Now they were stalling and Yuuri knew it. He’d just had a lapful of Viktor less than an hour ago and now he was nervous to give him a goodbye kiss.

“I’m glad you threw your drink on me,” Viktor said finally, leaning in to press their foreheads together.

“I didn’t throw it!” Yuuri cried, embarrassed. He wrapped his arms around Viktor’s waist.

Viktor kissed the tip of his nose and Yuuri was overcome by how intimate it felt. “Sure, sure.”

“I need to sleep,” Yuuri whispered back.

“So do I, I’m just waiting on you to kiss me,” Viktor said, smiling.

“Maybe I won’t now,” Yuuri said, even as he reached up to stroke Viktor’s cheek. “What would you do then?”

“I guess I’d just have to kiss _you_.”

Yuuri thought about the way Viktor leaned and kissed him as he stared up at the ceiling later that night,  so soft, completely different from earlier, like he was something to be cherished. Phichit was out cold on the couch when he walked in and Yuuri decided he’d wait until the next day to tell him everything.

He had no idea if he had just ruined his first movie role or if kissing Viktor for real had finally given him what he needed to get past everything.

He’d find out Monday.


	3. Tangled Up With You All Night

 

 

 

 

> **_Taking Him Home Tonight? Costars VIktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki Get Steamy on the Dance Floor_ **
> 
> Werewolf Journals _Heartthrob Viktor Nikiforov was caught grinding all over his Take Me Home Tonight costar at a West Hollywood gay bar just last night. Could the on screen romance be real? Snapchats were uploaded by fans until the two co stars  disappeared to a private room to continue whatever started on the dance floor. Fans are now speculating on Twitter whether or not the co-stars are dating or if it’s all a publicity stunt for the new movie. Could this be love or another Hiddleswift stunt? Watch the videos and tell us yourself_
> 
> **_READ MORE…_ **

**_Who is Yuuri Katsuki? The star of highly anticipated gay flick stealing Viktor Nikiforov’s heart_ **

**_We can’t stop listening to Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki’s leaked duet in upcoming movie_ **

**_Love in the Air! Viktor Nikiforov posts adorable selfies of his lunch date with co-star_ **

**_Breaking the internet: Men and women everywhere mourn Viktor Nikiforov’s relationship status_ **

**_We’re pretty sure Viktor Nikiforov has a new boyfriend and we’re obsessed!_ ** ****

* * *

 

“I’m asking you once if you’re dating Viktor Nikiforov,” Celestino said calmly. Yuuri was _supposed_ to be coordinating appearances for _As the Universe Spins_ panels and talk show appearances to promote _Take Me Home_ but instead…

Yuuri understood that as his publicist, Celestino had to ensure that Yuuri was seen in the best light in the media, but he was already so mortified by all of the pictures and videos that all he wanted to do was pretend that his relationship with Viktor was something only _he_ knew about for the time being.

Yuuri had never been great with social media. Of course mainstream outlets didn’t usually report on _As the Universe Spins_ , but the fans could be particularly... _passionate_ , and sometimes they would write fanfiction about his character or send him some invasive Instagram DM’s. Yuuri was always a private person and as much as he was glad for the success he’d had in his career so far, he’d prefer it if the fans would focus on his character rather than _himself_.

“We’re not dating,” Yuuri said quickly. And they _weren’t_ really dating. Viktor said that he ‘cared deeply’ about him and that he ‘wanted to ask him out’ before, but he’d never actually said that they were _dating_ . The morning after the club Yuuri had woken up with a horrible hangover and several text messages from Viktor that _might_ have included several heart emojis. And Yuuri _might have_ followed up on Viktor’s request that Yuuri come over that night and _maybe_ they made out more at his apartment, and _maybe_ Viktor asked him to stay over, _and okay_ they might have gotten coffee the next morning. But that wasn’t a date.

“You were holding hands in those tabloid pics yesterday.” Celestino was casually scrolling through his phone, looking at Yuuri over his sunglasses. “He tweeted a selfie of the two of you with the two boys emoji and a heart.”

“He’s...Viktor is...an...affectionate person, but--”

“Okay so you’re hooking up but you haven’t defined the relationship.”

“No! And anyway, I don’t want to release a statement. There’s nothing you have to do about it. Viktor is my friend and co-star. Everything else is...my business.“

“It’s not your business any more. You said it yourself, you’re _co-stars_ , and in a _romance_ no less.” Celestino leaned forward, whispering now, motioning Yuuri in closer. “Yuuri, this is great press for the movie.”

“What!”

“You heard me. If you and Viktor play this thing up it’ll create buzz for the movie. Obviously you know these things are set up all of the time.”

Yuuri _knew_ that these things were set up all the time. Viktor had even mentioned it that night at the club, that his relationship with Christophe was played up for publicity. Was that...what Viktor was doing now? Was that why he posted that selfie? Why he was so affectionate with Yuuri in public? Because he knew the press would latch on?

Yuuri shifted uncomfortably in his chair, looking out the floor length window of Celestino’s office to the street outside. “I know that, but I’m not going to act like I’m dating Viktor if I’m not.”

“I’m not asking you to have a fake relationship, I’m telling you that if you play it up, it’ll only benefit you.”

“I’m not using Viktor for press.”

“You don’t think he’s using you? You don’t think his publicist is suggesting he tweet about you more?”

Yuuri balled his hands into fists under the table, leg vibrating so that it shook the chair underneath him. He shook his head, not sure how to respond to that.

Viktor seemed genuine when they were together. But what if that really was why he was posting so much about it? Clearly he’d done it before. Maybe he and Christophe even made out in private. Maybe he told Christophe that he was “cute” and “funny” and “talented” too…

“I don’t…I don’t know.”

“Think about it, alright? If something is happening, posting a little more about it couldn’t hurt. And it means more auditions, more appearances, brand deals…”

And Yuuri could achieve all of that on his own. This movie was huge for his career without his personal relationship with Viktor. But Celestino was right. Being close to Viktor would mean that he was in the spotlight more..even if that wasn’t why he wanted to be close to him.

“People want to believe the love they see on screen is real, Yuuri.”

And maybe Yuuri wanted that too, as impossible as it seemed. He nodded absentmindedly, pushing his seat back to stand up and look out the window. “I’ll try to be better with the social media thing I guess.”

“You won’t regret it, I promise.”

* * *

Viktor held his hand as they skated, slowly, around the abandoned rink. In typical Viktor fashion, he had insisted on renting the entire rink out instead of going during the public free skate hours, claiming that he “knew a guy.” Yuuri had to admit, it was nice not having to worry about paparazzi, at least for the time, nice to hold hands and not have to explain it to anyone.

Things had changed since the club. Yuuri couldn’t deny that. Usually after filming they would choose to go to Yuuri’s place or Viktor’s for dinner. Sometimes they’d even go out to eat, alternating whose turn it was to choose the place.

And there were more kisses after the club too. Soft good morning in his dressing room or  heated kisses at night when Viktor came over to watch The Bachelor. It simultaneously made filming easier and harder. Viktor was flirtatious even before they kissed, and Yuuri assumed that he was like that with all co-stars, but now _everyone_ on set had to know something was going on between them.

“How are you so good at this?” Viktor huffed. He had taken off his sweater earlier from the exertion of skating, leaving him only in his t-shirt. Yuuri laughed. It was refreshing to know there was at least one thing Viktor Nikiforov was horrible at.

“I took lessons when I was a kid,” Yuuri explained, letting go of Viktor’s hand to skate a circle around him. “My friend Yuuko actually used to skate competitively before she had kids.” It was one of the activities he’d tired before he fell in love with acting. “I skated, tried ballet for a bit. I always liked performing even if I was shy.”

“Wow. My Yuuri is multitalented!”

 _My_ Yuuri. Yuuri wanted to hide his face. “I wouldn’t say I’m ‘talented’ when it comes to skating. I just don’t fall over like _some_ people.”

“Hey! I only fell the one time today!” Viktor insisted, putting his hands on his hips. The motion caused him to wobble and reach for the wall. Yuuri threw his head back and laughed. “That wasn’t a fall! I didn’t fall that time!”

“Uhuh.” Yuuri skated back to Viktor’s side, taking his hand. “It’s okay, you can act. And sing. You couldn’t have it all.”

“And you can act, sing, dance...and now skate! Is there anything the great Yuuri Katsuki can’t do?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m really a singer.” He’d been in a few musical theater productions, but his focus had always been on his acting.

“ _Yuuri_. I literally sing a duet with you in the movie. And you perform in pretty much the first five minutes of the movie.”

“I _know_ , but that’s _Connor_ . You know, he devotes his life to _singing_ . For me, there’s editing involved. Sam Smith’s a _singer_ . I can _act_ like a singer.”

“Fine, I wouldn’t really call myself a singer either, but you’re still great at it.”

Singing with Viktor was an _experience_.

 

_“And joining me on stage will be an old performing partner of mine, Connor Jameson!”_

_Connor shook his head from where he stood on the side of the stage with Nate, Isaac’s younger brother. “Go up there idiot! Go!”_

_Connor shuffled onto the stage, eyes only for Isaac as the crowd cheered. He hadn’t been on stage like this in years, and never a stage this big._ _But Isaac had his guitar and Connor could do nothing but reach out and awkwardly grip the mic stand as Isaac began strumming_.

_Maybe this is how things could have been if Isaac hadn’t left, if they’d gone on tour together, kept making the music they wanted to make without fear._

_Isaac winked at him before singing softly into the microphone: “Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you…”_

 

The scene was intimate, all soft stares and leaning into the microphone together. That was one of the first scenes they’d filmed on the movie, having spent the first few weeks on set recording the songs.

It was a rendition of "Time After Time" rewritten as an acoustic duet. Yuuri liked the way that the writers took the time to rework songs of the period and redefined them for a gay couple.

“I like singing with you,” Yuuri said simply, squeezing Viktor’s hands. Their eyes met, and Yuuri couldn’t help but notice the beautiful pink color dusting Viktor’s cheeks. Their skating slowed, Yuuri found himself leaning in...

And the next thing he knew he was on the ice. Viktor was on top of him, having been distracted by Yuuri and losing his footing.

Yuuri looked up at him and laughed, head hitting the ice. And Victor was laughing too, Yuuri could feel the force of it against his stomach, their limbs tangled together from the fall.

“I’m sorry,” Viktor said, sitting up on his forearms so as to not crush Yuuri. “I’m really horrible at this.”

Yuuri reached up to brush the hair out of Viktor’s face, still stifling his laughter. “I’m sorry, you are really horrible at this.”

They’d shared many kisses since this whole not-dating thing started. And they kissed almost every day on set. But Yuuri still felt an ache in his heart, like a paperweight keeping him on the ice. It would be so easy to lean up and kiss Viktor, so what was he waiting for? Yuuri sometimes worried that every kiss would be the last, that suddenly Viktor would decide he didn’t want Yuuri to kiss him any more and he’d regret taking the chance.

But that wasn’t true. Yuuri knew it wasn’t. Viktor was staring at his lips and Yuuri knew that he wanted him to lean up and close the distance, like he was waiting for Yuuri to make a move.

Yuuri leaned up and kissed him softly, just a quick brush of lips, and Viktor placed his hand under Yuuri’s head so that he could lean him down against the ice without hurting him.

Maybe Viktor would leave him eventually, but for now Yuuri was going to stay close to him. For as long as Viktor wanted.

* * *

“You should have heard mom at dinner talking about your Instagram. She’s practically planned your entire wedding. You better tell your boyfriend to start learning Japanese because she insists the wedding is at the inn.”

“Celestino says I should post more on social media,” Yuuri said, ignoring the marriage comments. He was in the process of cutting peppers, phone was perched up on the countertop, Mari illuminated where she was folding laundry back in Hasetsu. It felt like forever since he’d gotten to see his sister, but Facetime helped. Mari was the person he’d confide in the most when he was younger, especially when he wanted to hide a mishap from their parents.

The post in question was a selfie he and Viktor took at the rink, captioned with a snowflake emoji and a heart emoji. Phichit had insisted on the heart emoji and after careful deliberation, Yuuri had kept it. If Viktor could flirt on social media, so could he, and it would make Celestino happy. Plus there were still private moments that his fans _didn’t_ know about. Like that kiss that had turned into _more_ kisses, until they both had to get up from the ice before hurting themselves.

“And you should, but it’s just weird to see you posting so much about your relationship when I hardly get to hear about it.”

“It’s not a relationship,” Yuuri said, scooping the vegetables into the pot on the stove in front of him. “And since when is mom on Instagram?”

“She thinks it’s good marketing for the inn, and she’s not wrong.”

“It _is_ , but that doesn’t mean she has to go on _my_ profile.”

“You’re her famous son who doesn’t visit her enough of course she’s going to go on your profile.”

“ _Mari_ , you know I want to visit.”

“You’re busy, I know. I get it, I’m just teasing you.”

Yuuri sighed, reaching over the counter to grab a spoon. He knew that Mari was ‘teasing’ but there was some truth to it. He hadn’t been home in over a year, and his parents were getting older.

“Maybe I’ll visit after we’re finished filming, before the press tour,” Yuuri said. He’d already sent money home for his family now that he was in a better position, but he wanted to do more, bring his parents expensive gifts to show them that he succeeded. That they should be proud. To show them that their sacrifices during the beginning of his acting career weren’t for nothing.

“Or I can come visit _you_ ,” Mari said. “See what you’re hiding out there in LA. Threaten your new boyfriend.”

“Mari!” Yuuri turned around, pressing his back to the counter, pointing a spoon at the phone. “I already told you he’d not my boyfriend _and_ I’m not hiding anything in LA! I already told you that you can come visit if you want. I’d even pay for your flight.”

“I don’t want you to pay for my flight. I’m a grown woman.” Mari rolled her eyes. “I don’t need my younger brother to pay for my flight.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Anyway, when I come to LA with my self-purchased plane ticket, will you take me clubbing with you? All those snapchat videos looked fun.”

“You’re not going to have a place to stay when you come if you keep bringing up the snapchats.”

“Yuuri, everyone saw them. Honestly it was kind of weird because you never had _any_ game with guys when you lived here but I guess acting has finally given you more confidence.”

“Everyone?”

“Everyone.”

“Ugh.” Yuuko and Takeshi had both messaged him after the tabloids started posting about his relationship, or whatever it was, with Viktor. And Minako still screenshotted every article she saw and sent it to him with a “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” or a “???????????” caption.

He’d been naive to think his entire hometown didn’t keep up to date on his personal life. Even when he was a teenager the whole town seemed to inexplicably know about what was going on in his life. Nothing huge ever happened in Hasetsu, and Hiroko and Toshiya Katsuki were friendly with everyone they met.

“Hey. Whatever’s going on you know you can talk to me about it right?”

“Yes. But you don’t have to worry. Things are actually great for the first time in a long time.” Yuuri smiled to himself. He was finally doing what he’d always dreamed of: acting in a mainstream movie. And whatever was going on with Viktor made him feel great too. VIktor was a great friend to have and he cherished the moments they had together.

“You do seem happier,” Mari noted. “But I know you, and you hated fans talking about you even back when you lived here.”

“Don’t read the comments, right?” Yuuri said. In truth, Yuuri always found himself scrolling through tweets or instagram comments. It was bad, but if someone was saying something about him he wanted to know. And usually they just confirmed negative thoughts he already had about himself.

He knew that it wasn’t productive to think about what people said about him on the internet. He’d worked with his therapist on it for years. But now there were so many _more_ people talking about him.

“Anyway, I have to go, but...let me know about that plane ticket okay?”

* * *

“Hey, can I show you something?” Viktor wound his arms around Yuuri’s middle from where he was standing on the sidelines of the set, staring into the void. Filming had wrapped for the day and everyone had begun to make their way home.

Yuuri placed his hands over Viktor’s and leaned back into his touch, then turned around and nodded. Viktor was always full of surprises and even if this was for publicity, he wasn’t going to pass up the chance to have Viktor’s attention.

“Great! As long as you don’t have other dinner plans,” Viktor said, already taking his hand and leading him out the door and down the hall. The studio was huge and Viktor knew it better than any of them, often disappearing to explore.

“You know now that you mention it…” Yuuri teased, squeezing his hand.

“Right I forgot you were involved with your other incredibly handsome co-star.” Viktor shot him an exaggerated wink over his shoulder and Yuuri laughed.

“Who said I had an incredibly handsome co-star at all?”

“Yuuri! You’re so mean!”

Yuuri pulled Viktor backwards and kissed him soundly on the lips. “I’m very mean. I’m cruel. You should have me thrown off set.”

No one was around now, so Yuuri didn’t mind showing his affection. It was getting easier to be close to Viktor...harder to be apart from him. Even posting pictures, like Celestino wanted, on social media didn’t feel stressful any more. It didn’t feel like he was “playing up” anything when Viktor was someone he wanted to hold on to.

Viktor leaned in to kiss him again, but Yuuri pulled back. “Didn’t you have something to show me?” Viktor pouted, but took his hand again, this time running with Yuuri in tow, laughing joyously.

Viktor made him shut his eyes when the finally arrived at their destination after an elevator ride and flights of stairs.

“Ta-Da! Open your eyes!”

They were on the rooftop of the building overlooking the city. It was completely abandoned now, but Yuuri could still hear the sounds of workers below them, and the hum of cars on the nearby highway.

Viktor had set out a picnic for the both of them, with food Yuuri had to assume he ordered. The  last time he’d tried to cook _anything_ at his apartment, Viktor ended up nearly slicing his finger off. Yuuri tended to his small wound and told him that maybe it was better if _he_ did the cooking from now on. But bought or not, the food smelled amazing and there was soft music playing from an iPhone speaker in the corner. Viktor clearly put thought into this.

Viktor had even bought flowers, which were laying on the blanket, beautiful blue hydrangeas, which were Yuuri’s favorite flower. But how would Viktor had known that?

“When did you have time to set all of this up?” Yuuri asked, still in awe. He stepped forward to pick up the flowers.

“I had help,” Viktor said, wringing his hands like he was nervous. Why would he be nervous? “Some of the crew members helped me when you and Yurio were filming that last scene today. I hope it’s not too much. I really just wanted to do something special for you since it’s your birthday tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Yuuri didn’t remember telling Viktor about his birthday. He didn’t normally like to make a big deal out of it. He was turning 24, not any milestone age. But it was nice that Viktor had done this for him, however he found out...

“So...do you like it?”

“I do! I just...how did you know it was my birthday tomorrow?”

“Is it a secret?” Viktor asked, cocking his head to the side. “You did give your birthday when you got the audition. Everyone just kind of knew. Plus Phichit mentioned it when I was over last week.”

“Oh. Right.” Of course Phichit mentioned it. They were supposed to celebrate together tomorrow.

Viktor sat down on the blanket, patting the space next to him for Yuuri to take. Yuuri sat down, still in awe, running his fingertips over the blanket. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do anything for my birthday, really.”

“Of course I did! Even Yurio contributed!”

“He did?”

“He made you piroshkis.” Viktor reached for one of the containers on the blanket and handed it to Yuuri. “He loves cooking, but don’t tell him I told you. He gets it from his grandfather.”

“They smell amazing. I’ve never had those before,” Yuuri said, taking one of the pastries from the container. “I’m still going to thank him even if he doesn’t want me to know he made them.”

“He admires you a lot,” Viktor said, reaching for two glasses to pour wine into. Yuuri didn’t even want to know how expensive it had been. “Even if he acts like he doesn’t. He used to watch your show too. Your acting has a lot of heart, Yuuri. Yurio’s not the only one who sees that.”

“That...means a lot,” Yuuri whispered. “Back then I was just about ready to give up acting.” After he’d bombed that audition for _The Werewolf Journals_. “The cast made me realize why I loved acting again, showed me that I could impact people. I used to get all these emails from guys like me who wanted to get into acting but were afraid they’d be judged for it. That made everything else, all the failed auditions, worthwhile.”

“I wanted to reach out to you back then too,” Viktor told him. “I was too afraid I guess.”

“ _You were afraid?”_ Viktor had mentioned being afraid to ask Yuuri on a date before. He wondered why Viktor of all people would be afraid to talk to him now, let alone before he even _knew_ him.

“I know it’s stupid. But I told you before. You were doing the kind of work on that show I always wanted to do. And even if I could tell you were nervous during that PCA speech, you were so down to earth, and the way you thanked your parents was endearing. You’re different than all the jaded actors who I’ve worked with over the years. You have passion, and you care about how your work impacts _the world_. Not just how it makes you look. It made me so mad that people didn’t see all the great things you were doing just because the show wasn’t a primetime drama.”

“Your work impacts people too, Viktor,” Yuuri said. “ _A Fall to Remember_ makes me cry whenever I watch it.”

“I know it has in the past,” Viktor said, “But the last few years? It’s just felt so _empty_ ...like I’m telling stories that don’t _matter_ . And no one cares about how I _feel_ because I’m making money and it’s my job to look pretty and smile. I was thinking about retiring before this movie.”

“You’re too young to retire!” Viktor was at the height of his career, on the front of every magazine, featured on night time talk shows.

“Maybe. But I’m almost 30 now and I knew if I didn’t do _something_ I’d spend the rest of my life starring in roles I didn’t care about and smiling at the camera. I just want something _real_ . I want to be a _real person_.”

“I think you’re a real person,” Yuuri said. “And okay, you’re definitely nothing like the person in interviews, but you’re not a completely different person in the media. People would love this Viktor too if you showed him to them.” _Just like I love you_ , he didn’t say.

“Thank you, Yuuri.”

They ate the rest of their meal together, engaged in conversation. Yuuri told him stories about his friends back home, the way he almost threw up before his first performance in the middle school, and how sometimes when he and Phichit would do karaoke duets together. He told Viktor about how sometimes he was guilty he hadn’t stayed home to take over the family business and how he’d had to learn an American accent to get any roles when he moved to L.A.

Viktor told him about his own struggles with accents and how he’d once done a British accent for a role so horribly that the casting director stopped him mid monologue.

“Come on. Let’s hear it then,” Yuuri said, leaning back on his hands.

“Absolutely not.”

“But it’s my _birthday_ ,” Yuuri teased. “That’s my wish. Hearing your horrible accent.”

“But Yuuri, it’s so bad. You’ll have to quit the movie if you hear it.”

“You’re so dramatic.” Yuuri sat up and crossed his legs. “Try me.”

Viktor put a hand over his heart in faux anguish and then rolled his eyes and sat up straight. “Oh bollocks. I guess ah don’t ‘ave mucha’ a choice now do ah?”

“NO. STOP.” Yuuri threw his head back in laughter, and then doubled over and fell back onto the blanket. “Oh my god. It’s worse than I thought!” 

“I told you!” But Viktor was laughing too. “It’s like a bad junior high theater production of Oliver Twist.”

“I think it’s even worse,” Yuuri said, rolling onto his side. He was so full from all the food, and he was reminded of nights spent at home with his family laughing about old stories and eating his mother’s cooking. He hated thinking it, because he knew this would all end as soon as the movie came out, but Viktor sometimes made him imagine a future where they could spend late nights laughing about nothing and just enjoying each other’s company.

Viktor laid down next to him, and knees knocked together. It was dark now, but Yuuri could still see the outline of Viktor’s face under the moonlight. His eyes were shut, as if he were simply content to lay there next to Yuuri and enjoy his company.

“Hey Viktor?”

“Hm?”

“Stay close to me.”

He wasn’t sure why he said it. Perhaps it was the wine he’d had earlier. Viktor would leave him and he couldn’t stop that. But for now...

“I am close to you,” Viktor opened his eyes, reaching out to take Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri could see that he wasn’t saying what he meant. _How long?_

“I know.”  

And that would have to be enough for now. He ignored Viktor’s questioning gaze and shut his eyes. VIktor would stay here with him, holding his hand, for the night, and if that was all he had, he would be content with that.

* * *

“Yo Katsuki!” Yuri was sitting in his folding chair, makeup artists touching up the concealer under his eyes before they started the next take. Yuri kept forgetting his lines and the five minute scene had taken hours already.

Yuuri looked up from  his book and waited for Yuri to continue.

“Are you and Viktor _fucking_ or what?”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m not an idiot.”

Yuri Plisetsky made it his business to know everything about his co-stars’ personal lives, whether they wanted him to or not. The teenager’s Twitter might as well have uploaded directly to TMZ; Yuri lived for drama.

“You’re sixteen.”

“Yeah I’m _sixteen_ . I’m not _ten_. I know you’re banging. It’s obvious.”

“I’m not talking about this with you.” And technically they weren’t _fucking_ . Yuuri had spent the night at Viktor’s more times than he could count, and they’d done pretty much everything but actually sleep together. It wasn’t that _he_ was holding back, but Viktor always pulled away and Yuuri never questioned it.

Yuri smirked, scrolling through his phone while his makeup artists attempted to work around his awkward position.

“So you are. I knew it.”

Yuuri rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going to let a _teenager_ get to him. “Why are you bringing this up right now?”

“Because. It’s funny,” He said, pushing his makeup artists off so that he could stand up and cross the set to Yuuri. “And because I’m the one who has to deal with Viktor talking about you all the time when we have a scene together.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say about it.”

Yuri shoved his phone in his pockets and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes “You better not be playing games with him.”

“What?”

“Viktor’s like...hopelessly in love with you. I’ve never seen him like that with anyone. He was always going on dates and complaining about how lonely he was before he met you. So if you’re leading him on I’ll make sure you can never show your face in this town again, got it?”

 _Hopelessly in love with you_.

“He’s not in love with me,” Yuuri said, rolling his eyes. Why was he even talking to Yurio about this? He didn’t owe him answers about his relationship with Viktor. He barely understood his own relationship with Viktor!

“Then you’re more of an idiot than I thought.” Yuri stepped forward, further into Yuuri’s space. “You don’t have to love Viktor, but if you don’t, just leave him alone. Okay?”

Yuuri knew that Yurio had a soft spot for Viktor. They’d worked together on movies since Yurio was a toddler. But he’d never seen Yuri, outside of a scene, so open and honest.

Of course he loved Viktor. But Yuuri could never have Viktor to himself. It would always be himself, Viktor, and all the fans.

* * *

 _Viktor is hopelessly in love with you_.

.

.

.

 

_They were soaked when they finally made it back to Viktor’s apartment, having spent the day with Makkachin on the beach outside of Viktor’s apartment building before the rain had forced them to run back inside._

_“Your hair!” Yuuri laughed, reaching forward to push the drenched strands out of Viktor’s face._

_“Don’t touch it! You’ll make it worse!” But Viktor was laughing and Yuuri reached up to ruin his hair even more. “I look like a drowned rat.”_

_“You don’t look like a drowned rat,” Yuuri said, running his hand down Viktor’s cheek instead. Viktor spent_ at least _an hour on his appearance every morning, but Yuuri liked him most like this: carefree and disheveled. This was the real Viktor, The Viktor he spent days laughing with and cuddling on the couch with and dancing on rooftops._  
_  
Yuuri leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I think you’re beautiful like this.”_

_Viktor’s eyes widened, as if Yuuri’s response surprised him. He pulled Yuuri close against his soaked clothing and kissed him, mouth open and hot, like he was saying something he didn’t know how to say with words._

 

“Are you sure?” Isaac asked, unbuttoning his shirt. Beneath him in the truck bed, Connor sat up on his forearms, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. His flannel was unbuttoned and his lips kiss-bitten. They had driven out to the spot they’d first met as teenagers...back when they’d had their first innocent fumblings. This was far from innocent.

“Am I sure? I’ve waited years for you.” Connor said, cocking his head to the side. “So do you want this? Because if you don’t, it has to mean something. I’m not doing this and then watching you leave again. I-I can’t.”

Isaac surged forward, capturing Connor’s lips in a bruising kiss, hands roaming over his chest as they fell back against the truck bed. “There’s not a single cell in my body that doesn’t want you, Connor Jameson.”

 

_Months. They’d been building toward this for months. And now Yuuri didn’t care about the tabloids or Celestino or anyone else. He wanted this moment with Viktor, to show him how much he felt for him. He didn’t want to spend days yearning and wanting and not doing anything about it out of fear. He was tired of running away from everything in life that was unknown._

_Yuuri pressed Viktor back until he hit the wall, untucking his shirt from his soaked jeans and reaching to undo his belt. Viktor’s hands were wrapped soundly around his shoulders, one finding its way into Yuuri’s hair._

_He could hear the sound of thunder in the distance, and Makkachin yipped from where he was huddled by the doorway still. Viktor pulled back, pupils blown wide and gasping._ Yuuri _did that_ . Yuuri _was the one who had Viktor breathless._

_“We can stop if you want to--” Viktor babbled. He was trembling, and Yuuri looked up at his face, illuminated only by the little bit of sunlight coming through the window; Viktor had shut his eyes, as if too nervous to look Yuuri in the eye._

_“Vitya, You’re shaking,” He observed, running his hand down Viktor’s cheek. “Are you okay?”_

_Viktor nodded quickly. “We’re soaked.” Yuuri wasn’t cold. He could hardly focus on the way the fabric of his shirt clung to his body. Not when he had other things to focus on. And Viktor was so rarely cold, but he was still shaking. Yuuri wondered if he was just as nervous to cross this boundary in their relationship._

_“Then let’s get out of these clothes,” Yuuri said softly, pressing his thigh between Viktor’s deliberately. They’d gone past this point already. So many nights were spent pressed close kissing each other. But this was different. Everything felt different.  “I don’t want to stop. Do you?”_

_“Of course not.” His eyelids fluttered open and Yuuri sighed softly. Viktor’s gaze could only be described as loving, and it made Yuuri’s heart ache. What would happen when filming ended? Would Viktor still look at him like that? Yuuri knew that one day they would have to stop this, but for now Viktor wanted him and that was enough._

_He leaned in and kissed Yuuri again, softer this time. “No one’s ever made me feel like this,” he whispered against Yuuri’s lips._

_Yuuri laughed softly, leaning up to steal another kiss.  “That’s a lie.”_

_“It’s not,” Viktor insisted “Since the day we met you’ve changed everything.”_

_Surely that wasn’t true, the day they met was the audition, and before that Yuuri had only seen Viktor after the disastrous audition for his show. But even so, that day changed Yuuri’s life forever and maybe Viktor wasn’t exaggerating. Maybe Yuuri had touched him in the way that Viktor had touched Yuuri’s life._

 

“I couldn’t leave you again if I tried,” Isaac whispered, moving to kiss down Connor’s neck.

Connor’s answering gasp was captured by Isaac’s lips, his legs wrapping around his waist and hands clutching his hair

“Oh.” Connor was at a loss for words, the feeling of Isaac’s bare skin against his own and the smell of his cologne and the drag of his lips against his neck…

“I couldn’t leave you again if I tried,” Isaac repeated, more deliberate, and Connor was still silently grasping at his back. Isaac leaned in and whispered in his ear “Yuuri? Are you alright?”

 

 _Yuuri had Viktor pressed against the ridiculous silk sheets of Viktor’s bed. They were making a mess of them now, with their wet hair and bodies soaking the fabric. Their clothes were scattered against the floor, skin pressed to skin.  Viktor’s legs were wrapped around his waist. Yuuri_ knew _how this worked, even if he hadn’t gone this far with anyone else. He’d fantasized about the various ways he could take Viktor apart, the ways Viktor could take_ him _apart._

_Yuuri wanted to run his fingers everywhere. He pulled back to kiss his chest, softly, eyes fluttering shut. As frantic as they had both been in the hallway, now it was all soft touches and slow rocking of hips. Yuuri kissed up the column of Viktor’s throat and bit down. They’d made out countless times, even gotten to the point of touches through underwear and hands on naked skin for hours until they were too sensitive to continue without going further._

_Yuuri was used to the way that Viktor’s body arched up against him, the needy high pitched noises he made. He loved Viktor, and not in the way he used to say he did before he really knew who Viktor was._

_He loved this Viktor: the one who blushed when he slipped off his pants, the one who snorted when he laughed, and who sent snapchats of Makkachin sleeping against his chest. He loved the Viktor that was private, the one that didn’t flash smiles on daytime TV or wink flirtatiously at reporters. He loved the real Viktor and he wanted him to know that, even if he couldn’t say._

_Yuuri reached down between them, pressing his forehead against Viktor’s as he panted against his mouth. Yuuri wanted to be the only one that got to see Viktor like this. The only one Viktor looked at in this way._

_Viktor gasped against his lips: “Yuuri.”_

 

“Yuuri?”

“I’m sorry. I forgot my line.” Yuuri’s cheeks were flushed underneath Viktor in the truck, but Viktor was laughing softly to himself. 

Yuuri sat up in the truck bed once Viktor had rolled off of him and put his head in his hands. How embarrassing. He’d done sex scenes before on _As the Universe Spins_ . _Of course he had_ . But this was Viktor, someone he actually _slept with_ with outside of acting, just _this morning_. This was different. He’d never been in this situation before.

“Distracted?”  Viktor’s cheeks were flushed, and Yuuri was relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was thinking about last night.

“Nope.” Yuuri shook his head and laughed, laughing at himself. “I’m not. Not at all.” It was completely unprofessional that he was turned on right now. He had no reason to be turned on. This was _acting_. But this morning he had woken up with his head on Viktor’s chest and their legs tangled together. They’d spent more time exploring each other then, but what Yuuri loved about it was the casual intimacy of waking up together with no barriers.

 

_The first thing Yuuri was aware of in the morning was Viktor’s lips pressed softly in his hair. Viktor always woke up before him, and at first it freaked him out when he reached across the bed and Viktor wasn’t there. The first time he’d been out on a run, and by the time Yuuri finally, unwillingly, rolled out of bed, Viktor had already showered and dressed._

_But Viktor was here now, and even though it was probably some ungodly hour of the morning, Yuuri opened his eyes and met Viktor’s eyes. “Good morning.”_

_“Good morning, solnyshko.”_

_“Mmm. What does that mean?” He sat up on his elbow, hand supporting his head._

_“It means little sun, ” Viktor said, almost shy, rolling onto his side. His face was partially obscured by the pillow, and Yuuri reached out to cup his cheek. He didn’t want Viktor to hide away from him. Not now. Not when they might not have much time left. “It’s...a pretty popular pet name. I’ve always wanted to call you that but I thought you might...think it’s weird or something.”_

_"I don’t think it’s weird,” Yuuri whispered. “I think it’s nice.”_

_“Okay.” Viktor kissed the inside of Yuuri’s palm from where it was placed on his cheek._

_They ended up kissing lazily until Yuuri was underneath Viktor and his hands had found their way into his hair, morning breath and tired eyes and soft hands. Yuuri wanted to know all the ways that his body could intertwine with Viktor’s, all the places his lips could mark his skin, the ways he could make Viktor moan._

 

“I couldn’t leave you again if I tried,” Isaac panted, kissing down the Connor’s throat, down his chest, undoing the button on his jeans.

Connor moaned, clutching his back, holding him close as possible. “Then don’t try.”

He reached down to cup Isaac’s cheek, and Isaac leaned into the touch, their eyes meeting in an intense stare.

"Stay close to me,” He whispered. "I'm afraid of losing you."

* * *

 

Later that night, when Viktor was fast asleep next to him and he could barely make his face out in the darkness, Yuuri reached forward and kissed the top of his forehead.

_Stay close to me...I'm afraid of losing you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I'm so sorry this took forever to upload! College is hard you guys. 
> 
> If you're curious about the duet between Viktor and Yuuri, it's based on the Sam Tsui and Casey Breves duet! You can find it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAfDnCQLJCY
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @ yuuri-eros-katsuki. Come say hi!


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